Dear God of Fashion...

Please end the following trends:

Unless you have amazing fashion sense or are carrying a toddler, leggings do not look good on anyone. At best, you look like a lazy slob. At worst, you look like you have two stumps for legs. I am so bored of seeing people walking the streets wearing leggings and a short top. You are not in a dance class. You do not require clothes that free you for extra movement.

If I see one more doofus women, walking the streets, mooing into her cellphone, head lolling, shuffling along in her stupid flip flops as if choosing where to go for brunch is so difficult one must wear workout clothes.


I'm also tired of looking at the jegging, cropped legging, the creatively torn legging, the tie dyed legging, the latex legging, leopard legging, the zippered legging and so on. I know that some people can make anything look look fabulous. But this is shit that Amy Fisher would have worn.



Gladiator sandals. Ugh. Pair them with leggings if you really want to look stumpy. I don't care if you want to put your feet in prison. Just keep them away from me.

Speaking of which: What the hell is this?

























This is not a piece of footwear given to women recovering from foot surgery. This is a $600 Prada boot.

This is not a shoe. This is a seizure.

Also on my fashion shit list: most shorts, fashion sweats, tiered skirts on girls over the age of 9, UGGS in the summer (How can these vile things STILL be in style? And I cannot fathom how those things must reek...), men styling their hair like Hitler and Dawn Weiner glasses.